Pastor's Musings

It’s Spring again, and as I drive around lately, I’ve noticed lots of hard rubbish on the footpaths. Spring cleaning! Facebook Marketplace seems to be the decluttering online shop of choice. As I think what stuff needs to be decluttered from my life, it occurs to me that while I am at it, it might be a good idea to give some thought to those aspects of my inner life that need purging as well; for all of us have some internal “hard rubbish” that has accumulated over time; things that we have held onto far too long, that are getting in the way of a healthy spiritual life.

For me, some of the hardest rubbish to rid myself of is resentment – holding on to past hurts and present bitterness. Resentment is ‘hard’ because we have a built-in need for justice and we hate it when we think someone has gotten away with hurting us. But the problem with resentment is that it can fester and spread into other aspects of our lives. The great Nelson Mandela once said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Stewing over past or present injustice actually hurts us more than those we resent.

Without denying or minimising any of the things that cause resentment, the best way to prevent it from hardening into bitterness and anger is quite simply to “get over it”. Now I know that sounds harsh and simplistic, but Scripture is quite plain about this. The apostle Paul advises: “…you shouldn’t exhaust yourself in bickering; instead, be gentle – no matter who you are dealing with – ready and able to teach, tolerant without resentment…” (2 Tim.2:24).

We not only can let go of resentment that tempts us, but we must also let go of it, or it will harden our hearts and clutter our minds and snuff out the joy of living. Now I know this sounds too simple, but you get over your resentments if you want to get over them – that’s it! It is a choice we make. At the same time, getting rid of resentments exacts a price – and that is that the injustice that you’ve experienced may never be fully delt with, at least not in this life. Yet, as Christians, we trust that justice is ultimately done in the fullness of time, because God has promised that it will. In Romans 12 (:19) Paul says: “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” Since I trust that God will ultimately take care of injustice, I can choose to let go of my resentments.

Yet there is still that cost of seeing those who hurt me seemingly “getting away with it”. But this is where forgiveness is so important. Now forgiveness is not being stupid, trusting an untrustworthy person, nor is it putting yourself in an unhealthy situation all over again, or taking physical or emotional abuse. Forgiveness doesn’t mean overlooking evil. Rather it means trying to see the other person through “God’s eyes”, so to speak, and put yourself in their shoes.

Once again, this does not mean you do not hold him or her accountable for their actions or say that the wrongs are “no big deal”. But instead, forgiveness seeks to let go of the hurt, like a helium balloon into the sky, releasing yourself from the destructiveness of hate and the damaging desire for vengeance that eats away at the soul. At the same time, it reveals that true reconciliation can only be possible when the truth has been told and justice is done.

Along with forgiveness, another important way to “get over resentments” is to practice gratitude. And I do mean ‘practice’ it – like you practice a musical instrument or practice a physical skill. Once again, there is a cost – no pain no gain. What you need to do is step back and review your life from the perspective of an onlooker. Really look, and not just at the big things; little things count too!

Remember, your life is a gift, a wonderful web of the things you have received and the choices you make. Who makes no mistakes? Nobody. Repair the things that need repair. Make a good confession, if necessary, then stop choosing to fall into the muddy waters of resentment and move on, making new, better choices with forgiveness and gratitude. You’ll be glad you did.

Blessings, Pastor Mark